Of a Note in a Cosmic Song; Part Five Read online

  It wasn’t good enough. It couldn’t be. Wilam looked confused. At least now nobody would have to feel guilty when deciding her punishment. Jema caught Nini looking at her. “I know that not everybody turns nasty when they’re hungry, Nini. Some people are capable of sacrificing their own needs for others.”

  Nini half smiled at that.

  “If you found a man instead of a woman you wouldn’t have to go hungry.”

  The slap Rorag received for that remark came so quickly that most didn’t have time to realize who’d said it. “So there. Now you can all frown at me,” Leni told them.

  Rorag hadn’t even taken his eyes off Jema. Save for a small smile he took it in silence and he’d do it again if needed. He knew she’d talked to Kunag and he wanted her to agree to his request. His eyes travelled to Leyon next to her. At that same instant Jema became aware of Leyon’s tension. He was staring at Rorag, both hands on the ledge either side of him, his fingers white from holding tight, ready to pounce. The only reason he didn’t move was because Aryan was gripping his shirt.

  Some pieces fell into place then. It was Leyon who didn’t want Benjamar to go after the truth. Rorag was trying to use the trial for what had failed two days ago. But why Leyon?

  Jema put her left hand over Leyon’s right. It distracted him enough to look away from Rorag. Aryan rolled his eyes behind the boy’s back. On her other side, Doret stared at Leyon. Whatever had set him off, Doret knew about it. In the meantime, Benjamar was also putting the pieces together and he was better informed.

  “Which of you were present at that penance two days ago, besides Jema?”

  “I was,” Rorag said.

  Aryan took a better hold of Leyon while Benjamar ignored the provocation and looked at Doret. Doret didn’t deny it. They always went when there was a ceremony. Under pressure, he mentioned Leyon, Laytji, and Ilse.

  “But Leyon wasn’t there that night?”

  “No, he wanted to make sure Kunag was okay.”

  “Why? Tell me why you went there. Why do you go to see that kind of thing?”

  Unable to fight this, Doret admitted that Laytji had known about it. She’d mentioned a party. They’d left Wilam’s home right after she’d returned Kristag, but when they’d arrived it had been panic.

  “Why was Laytji so keen to go?”

  “She said it would serve Rorag right.”

  “And why was that?”

  “No!” Jema reacted only to the sudden jerk from Leyon, who would have jumped on Doret had not Aryan been there to stop him. “What Laytji said has nothing to do with that penance. This is not the right time.” She led Benjamar’s questioning eyes to Leyon’s condition. He had to understand.

  Benjamar sought silent confirmation from Aryan and nodded.

  “Is tonight the right time, Jema?” Rorag asked.

  “Stop provoking Leyon into punishing you for what he has nothing to do with, because next time we won’t be able to stop him,” she replied.

  “You agree to repent and I’ll talk tonight,” he answered, smiling.

  “If it had nothing to do with it, nobody needs to speak it,” Benjamar told Rorag. “Now let’s get back to what we were doing. I believe I asked Wilam if Jema’s apology was good enough for him?”

  Surprised by that question, Wilam only managed to say yes. Benjamar accepted that as well. Leyon relaxed, and with him, so did Jema. A little relief before the next attack.

  Nini admired the incessant thoughts that connected all the events, even if what happened came unexpectedly to Benjamar. She knew him well enough to know that his control and dominance over the room came from a deeper insecurity that was only too aware of the chance of failure. All the changes he’d made, his credibility, and the future of the village were riding on this trial. He had to get it right. He was trying to do that with words, yet not every person was born with a similar capacity to use words and their physical language was starting to become a threat to the progress of the meeting.

  He wasn’t making it easy, not even for himself. He had no choice but to consider the wishes of the Society, but he was also trying to hold on to what was acceptable to him and Leni’s request was not. He was looking for a compromise, hoping for leniency, but Leni with her calm manner wasn’t giving it. So he asked for help from his council.

  “I’d like to hear a basic vote. Will we allow corporal punishment to be considered as an option in this or any future trial, because if not, we’re wasting our time discussing it. Leni?”

  Nini had come to respect Leni a lot these last days. She was Jema’s friend. That was the sad thing.

  “As you said before, I’ve grown up with it. I still see a clear difference between penance and corporal punishment. Nevertheless, I don’t oppose to the idea of either as long as it is within a predetermined setting and I’d like to see it consented.”

  “How can you expect anybody to volunteer for anything like that?” Aryan demanded. “This whole thing is getting out of hand. First it becomes the normal thing for people to talk about what happened on Habitat Three and now nobody flinches when you hit somebody. The kid just lost his father, for Bue’s sake!”

  Leni was as calm as Aryan was agitated. “Words can hurt worse than hands, Aryan. I had no need for words. This was quick and left no room for doubt.”

  “Okay, I can buy that, but that’s different than–” He looked around the room for help.

  “Than using tools?” Leni asked. “The answer remains the same: Not if you know what you’re doing.”

  Nini shivered at the coolness with which Leni spoke about it. It did make a difference. A hand was personal, at least. It wasn’t as dangerous. But Leni was right too; words could be just as damaging and also required being in control. And if anybody, Jema was proof of that.

  “In fact, I’m convinced that penance as we once knew it can heal,” Leni added. “But it has to be consented, not volunteered or forced. It is the giving away of all your power that makes it worthwhile, because if nobody makes you, nobody can be blamed. It also makes it a lot harder for the person on the other side to not forgive.”

  A lot more comments would have been made had not Benjamar moved on. “Maike?”

  Maike glanced at Aryan before answering. She’d confessed to Nini that she’d not last much longer with him so close and now that he’d said sorry it was her turn, but she was stubborn as hell. “Contrary to what some people believe, I’m not in favour of it. However, sometimes there is no other way. I would rather see it as a last resort than as an option in its own right. And never in public.”

  “Yako?”

  Yako agreed with Maike that sometimes there was no other way. Without prisons they might not have a choice. He believed it should be an option even if they would vote against it in every single case. He mentioned the risk of it becoming the easy option, but DJar was proof of that risk existing for everything else as well. They would have to guard against that. To Aryan’s opposition he said it would depend on the person and the situation. It wouldn’t be the best choice for everybody and therefore it couldn’t be made into a rule. Rules didn’t work. “I still think the overnighter is a good idea,” he said.

  Nobody laughed.

  “Okay, that wasn’t funny. I think it should be an option; no more, but also no less.”

  Nini looked at Wilam, who was in between Yako and herself, but Benjamar surprised her. “Jema?”

  He’d surprised Jema too. She looked up from the little box she’d stuck herself into. “I can’t answer that.”

  She should know Benjamar wouldn’t let her get away with that.

  “Oh yes you can. You talked about right and wrong before. Do you think corporal punishment is good justice for some mistakes?”

  Benjamar was asking the impossible question; doing what he promised he would – making it difficult for all of them.

  Jema straightened up, pulling her legs close to her body. “In some cases it has to be,” she said.

  “Why does it have to be?
”

  “Because…” For a moment she hid her face in her sleeves again. Benjamar was ready to jump up but stopped when Nini put her hand on his arm. He had to wait.

  “Because otherwise so many people wouldn’t resort to it.”

  “That doesn’t answer my question. Is corporal punishment an acceptable alternative in your eyes?”

  Jema looked at Rorag. “It has to be.”

  “I’m not asking that. I am asking what you think.”

  He wouldn’t give her a break. She probably didn’t expect any, but how could she answer this? He might take it as an invitation, yet she couldn’t not answer him. She wouldn’t last at this rate.

  “Yes, I think it is.”

  “Okay. Wilam?”

  “But it’s wrong, isn’t it? It can’t be suddenly not wrong anymore. Everybody always said so.”

  “I asked for your opinion, Wilam, not that of everybody else.”

  Nini squeezed Benjamar’s arm. He had to be patient.

  “No, I don’t think so. I mean, I can see that it gets done accidentally, but it shouldn’t be a choice.”

  Afraid that Benjamar would ask Wilam to be more specific, Nini squeezed him again. He looked at her then. “What do you think?”

  “I think hurting a person is always wrong, whether with words or physically and whether as a crime or a punishment,” she answered.

  “You knew what Maike did?”

  “Yes, and I don’t think she had a choice. I don’t blame her. The men were more respectful for it.”

  “You’re evading my question,” he said, giving her a taste of what Jema and Wilam must feel.

  “I think it was a last resort. I don’t see how it can be an option. Some people couldn’t live with the humiliation.” Jema couldn’t; it was too physical.

  “What about the humiliation of being made a user or a prisoner, to never be allowed an opinion anymore?”

  “That’s just as bad. I don’t know, Benjamar, I just don’t know.”

  “What if it was commonplace?”

  “Maybe.”

  He never gave his own vote. Nobody asked for it. Instead he called for another break with the request that they keep the meeting moving forward without side-tracking from now on or they’d be here all night. “No solutions, no meals.”

  “You’ll never keep a council for long that way. They’ll throw you out,” Nini said when they were alone for a few minutes.

  “I’m tired, Nini. I want this over with. The people on trial don’t want to sleep on it another night. They need to know.”

  “If I’m right, Benjamar, in the Freberer kennin, any deliberation could last for moons.”

  “Do me a favour. I’d lose my voice.”

  For the third time that day, Benjamar watched the people return to his home. They took the exact same places they’d had before, though nobody had told them where to sit. It was still bright outside, but it was past midday.

  This had to be the end of this meeting. Somehow he’d have to get it right – sail the storm and come up with acceptable solutions for everybody. This time nobody would accuse him of making every decision on his own. He’d have to keep strict control over the conversations or they’d all starve, yet he also needed to give them a chance to speak. He’d brought up the subject hoping they would find an in-between. If only Leni were not so determined… The first need was to get Tigor to weigh anchor.

  Quiet returned when he stood up. “Tigor, answer me this question: What will it take to keep you from going out to stir up another fight or hurt more animals? We’ve seen acts of sabotage on SJilai, in town and now here, and I’m tired of it. It’s been six years since you left DJar. Maybe it wasn’t voluntary, but it’s time to get over it.”

  Tigor, who’d been uncomfortable all the way through, didn’t know where to look. He must feel the humiliation of this. Like Aryan, he was nearing Life, yet he had to sit here and take this as if he was still a boy. Yako might be right in saying that humility was needed from all of them, but people were born with pride. They wouldn’t give it up easily. “Answer me, Tigor.”

  Of course, any of these people had the right to tell Benjamar not to treat them like this, all except Jema, yet nobody but Aryan and Yako protested his commands. Tigor had no answer.

  “Come on, people, I want to get to the end of this.”

  “I know that an animal died and I know that Kunag wants that to be as important as a person, but I’m thinking could you not give Tigor a job, like organizing those games we talked about earlier. My dad says that if people feel worthwhile they don’t need to destroy things.”

  This came from Doret, who had so far been quietly impressed. He now came up with the first real solution. Benjamar put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Now we’re getting somewhere. Who knows, there may still be a chance of a warm meal.”

  “He should at least apologize to the whole community. To Kunag,” Maike said.

  “And repair the damage,” Wilam added.

  “Tigor?”

  Instead of taking this chance and agreeing, the farmer shrugged.

  “Do you have a problem with that?”

  It took Tigor four tries before he managed to express his concerns about Kunag. The boy had called him a murderer. It wouldn’t be okay if he got off with only an apology.

  This unexpected answer had them all quiet. Benjamar looked around his council. “Any suggestions?”

  “How about one of us come with you to explain when you apologize to Kunag, and tomorrow at Kundown in a meeting you can make public amends?” Yako suggested.

  “What if he says no?”

  “He won’t. I know Kunag, he always forgives people,” Leyon said.

  He got support from Nini, Doret, and then Aryan and all the rest. Nobody here could imagine Kunag seeking revenge.

  “What about the other people, though? How will we explain to them if Tigor don’t get punished?” Wilam asked.

  “We will tell them that we’re not on DJar anymore and that this is the Kun DJar way. Our goal is to prevent retaliation and to ensure peace,” Yako answered him.

  The only other issue that was brought up came from Leni and had to do with the wine. “I’m just wondering if Aryan could help with that, seeing that he knows what he’s talking about.”

  “If Tigor wants to stop I don’t mind helping out, but he’s got to want it.”

  Benjamar gave the farmer another chance to speak. Tigor verbally promised to go along with every suggestion they’d made. He became a different person as he spoke; for the first time he actually sat up straight.

  The sudden change in attitude had a positive influence on all of them. Maybe they now truly believed that agreements could be reached in a setting like this.

  “Let’s move on. Leyon, you attacked Frimon?”

  The kabin was sailing now. He needed the boy as a compass to find the means to a less dramatic end. The sea was rough, but at least Leyon could swim. Benjamar reminded him of the cycles they’d mentioned before. “How will we stop you from that kind of uncontrolled violence?”

  Leyon wasn’t easily shaken, but he was restless, which could have more to do with Rorag than with the trial. He, too, might be testing the water. “If it helps, I’ll go with a whipping,” he said.

  Of course, there was no need to dive right in. “Why would that help?”

  “I don’t know. It helped my dad when he was angry and it helped the plamals.”

  Next to Benjamar, Nini put her hand over her mouth. Maike shook her head slowly and Leni smiled.

  “The idea is that it helps you, Leyon, not everybody else,” Yako said.

  “Any thoughts?” Benjamar asked.

  “You told me that day to deal with it. I think I did that. I don’t see the need to pursue it any further,” Maike said.

  But there was. Aryan was the first to mention it. Leyon might not be big, but he was very strong and his temper was as unpredictable as the fog. He may not mean to, but how long before there was
nobody around to save a life?

  Benjamar asked for ideas. “Leni?”

  “What are you after, Ben? Ideas to do with all possible options or excluding the one nobody wants to take seriously?”

  “All of them.”

  “All right, I think Leyon should not have attacked Frimon. I don’t think he was trying to protect Laytji at all. What I do think is that he was provoked and reacted to that. I also think that too much has happened since to discuss it any longer. I definitely don’t think corporal punishment is an option for a boy who’s been abused. Though they are not the same, memories could be triggered, and you need to be able to handle that. I think Leyon knows he needs to learn to control those impulses and he needs to talk to somebody about his abuse.”

  Nini and Wilam agreed with Leni; it was better to work on Leyon’s temper. To Benjamar’s left was the last voice of his council. Jema had been shaking her head just a little during the last part of this conversation.

  “Do you have any suggestions, Jema?”

  She looked up at him, nodded slowly, briefly made eye contact with Yako and then turned to Leyon. “How about we put you in an overnighter, say… together with Rorag?”

  Benjamar had only just time to comprehend what she’d said before the wave of commotion turned the entire kabin upside down. In front of him, Jema jumped on top of Leyon, her knees on his legs, trying to control his hands while ordering Aryan, who was already tackling the struggling boy from behind, to help her.

  To Benjamar’s right, Maike, who’d been ready to jump on Jema, was stopped by Nini, while Yako stood in front of Rorag, evidently to keep him from going anywhere. With Aryan restraining Leyon’s hands, Jema put both of hers around the boy’s face.

  “Listen to me,” she said. “Listen to me.”

  Leyon gave up fighting once all his limbs were restrained. What exactly had brought this one on was still a mystery to Aryan, but what needed doing had been only too obvious. Jema must have seen it coming – invoked it, rather; she must be mad. Now she was talking to Leyon in a steady flow of ever-repeating sentences: “It’s over. Nobody can hurt you anymore. It isn’t your fault. He doesn’t know.”